*pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce”*
Why was Hitler hit with a baseball?
because he was a fucking racist, sexist and homophobic nationalistic douchebag
no because he did nazi it coming
when you hear somebody talking about one of your interests
i love it when i cook stuff for myself bc like i’ve just cooked pasta and yee bitch look at me providing for myself i could totally make it in this world it’s almost as if i have my life together
i take this back the pasta was shit i’m falling apart
If Tumblr was a movie I’d probably be the extra in the background no one notices
*me being sleepy in class*
IM SCREMAING I GOT BANNED AT CLUB PENGUIN FOR SAYING “GO FUK A CACTUS”
Boy: Wanna go out sometime?
Me: No, I’m sorry. I’m really trying to focus on my career right now.
imagine all your online friends living near you
yeah i did like 100 push ups today
how i seduce men